Many people seem to misunderstand this pillar of Islam, either because of the numbers involved or simply because it is not taught anymore. This comprehensive guide will help you work out whether Zakat is fardh upon you or not.
Zakat is the term used for the obligatory charity in Islam. It means to purify, i.e. the giving of wealth, purifies wealth. It helps people let go of the world, provides financial support to others, and is a form of showing gratitude to Allah (SWT).
Zakat is fardh on every Muslim who is sane and has reached maturity and has complete ownership of wealth above the level of nisab (threshold). They must also hold this wealth for one lunar year.
The nisab can be calculated based on Gold or Silver.
The nisab on the Gold standard is measured at 87.48g, 3.09oz or 7.5 thola
The nisab on the Silver standard is measured at 612.36g, 21.6oz or 52.78 thola
Therefore using the following (updated) values for Gold and Silver at today’s rate, this means the current nisab of the Gold standard is:
£994.51oz x 3.09oz = £3073.03
And for Silver it is:
£14.07oz x 21.6oz = £303.91
Now every individual can choose the standard the wish to go by. However most scholars argue that if we go by the Silver standard, more people will be eligible to pay Zakat, therefore more will go to the poor. Whereas others state the Gold standard is better to ensure that the actual wealthy pay, and this also raises the benchmark for those who will be eligible to receive Zakat too, i.e. someone with £2700 in the bank will be considered eligible.
The choice is yours.
In order to fulfil one’s obligation, one must intend (i.e. specify) that they are paying the Zakat. Zakat is also only payable to Muslims.
The Holy Qur’an (Surah Tawbah:Verse 60) tells us who may receive Zakat payments:
The poor – Those whose wealth is below the level of nisab. Priority should be given to relatives, neighbours and then the wider community
The destitute – Those who have nothing at all – food, clothes nor shelter
Administrators/collectors of Zakat
New Muslims – Scholarly differences whether abrogated on not. Used to reconcile with Muslims during advent of Islam, some scholars claim this still is the case with new disenfranchised Muslims
To free slaves
Those who are unable to pay their debts
In the path of Allah (swt) – this can be towards someone’s studies or marriage
Travellers who cannot afford to return home
The method of working out Zakah is:
Record when you first reached Nisab (pick Gold or Silver)
Wait one lunar year
Calculate all assets
Minus liabilities and debts owed to others
See if you still meet the Nisab value
If so, 2.5% of total amount of assets at this date
If not, wait until the next time you reach nisab then continue from 2.
Example (Gold standard)
Ahmed starts a new job, he gets paid £1500 per month but is left with £200 at the end of the month. At this point he is below the nisab. After 5 months, he manages to save £3500. He notices he has met the nisab.
Ahmed will make a note of the date he saved £3500 (lunar date). This is the 12th Rajab. From then on Ahmed saves monthly, but when he reaches Muharram (6 months later), he uses his savings of £8000 to buy a car valued at £7500. This leaves him with £500, at this point no Zakat is due by Ahmed. However he continues counting towards the 12th Rajab. After further savings, on the eve of 12th Rajab, he manages to save £4000. Ahmed considers his liabilities and notices he doesn’t owe anyone money but has £400 of bills and insurance to pay this month.
At this date he calculates whether he is above the nisab value, which he is (£3600). So he must pay 2.5% of that (£90) in Zakat. Ahmed should look to make immediate payment as it would not be permitted to delay payment to Ramadhan.
Zakat Calculator
I’ve created a Zakat Calculator below for your convenience. I’ve entered random numbers as examples. Just click download.
FAQ
What happens if someone is below the nisaab after one year?
If a person comes to know they are below the nisab after one lunar year then they wait till the next time they meet the nisab. This is their new nisab date, for which Zakat may be due after one lunar year.
Is Zakat payable on valuable stones and jewels?
If these valuable stones and jewels [i.e., other than gold and silver] are for the purpose of trading, then they are liable for Zakat. If however, they are used for one’s personal use, Zakat does not need to be paid on it, irrespective of their value.
During the year, can the Zakat be paid in advance through small installments?
Yes, someone who is legally responsible to pay the Zakat can pay through monthly instalments throughout the year, with the intention of paying the Zakat. When the lunar year comes to an end, the Zakat should be calculated, and whatever remains outstanding should be paid off. In similar fashion, the outstanding amount can also be paid through installment.
Should the Zakat and Sadaqa be paid only in Ramadan?
It is obligatory (wajib) to pay the Zakat as soon as the lunar year has passed, and its payment should not be deferred till the month of Ramadan. However, if Ramadan is drawing near, such as a week away, then there is no harm in waiting till Ramadan to pay it.
Can a husband and wife give their Zakat to each other?
No, a husband and wife cannot give their Zakat to each other. Nor father to son, as the welfare of these people is inherent.
Can a husband pay a wife’s Zakat
No, the wife must pay her own Zakat. This should preferably be from the wealth she holds however the husband can gift her money. And from that money she can uses it to pay her Zakat. However note, this will become an asset and count towards her nisab.
Children savings
If the money belongs to the children, then the children do not pay zakat on the wealth. This is because, by the time, they are mature the majority of money may get eaten up by the zakat payments. If however its your money but set aside for children’s needs, and is at your discretion then this will be part of your assets.
Is Zakat to be paid upon property or land?
Zakat is not due on residential properties however, if one rents out a house, flat, or shop for the purpose of making profit, then this will count as an asset. Zakat must also be paid on the value of one’s house, flat, or land which was bought originally with the purpose of re-sale (i.e., for business or trade purposes). The Zakat should be paid on the current market value, and not the purchase price.
Zakat is compulsory on trade goods and merchandises (i.e., items which are bought with the intention of re-sale), but not on tools or equipment used in trade or business. However, the profit gained by their use, if it reaches the nisab and a year has passed, it becomes compulsory to pay the Zakat on this.
Is a mortgage a liability?
As a mortgage comes with a term, the total value can not be considered a debt, as immediate payment is not required. However one may deduct the monthly payments as liabilities.
Pensions
For personal pension funds, one should calculate the amounts accrued for the full lunar year. However if one has a work pension, they do not have to pay zakat on it, till they are paid out.
Hashimis
The recipient should not be from the lineage of the Prophet
Zakat-ul-Fitr
Zakat-ul-Fitr is universal amongst all Muslims, regardless of individual income and age. Therefore it is due on every member of the household. It is based on the average consumption of members of the household, to which there is a cash equivalent (£3-£5). This money is then given to those in need (the poor and needy, captives, debtors, travelers and so on) before commencing Eid-ul-Fitr Salaah (Eid-ul-Fitr prayer). This is also known as Fitrana and Sadaqatul Fitr.
If you have any questions, leave a comment below and I will get them answered.
Mental illness is often invisible. Do you ever wonder what it may feel like?
The stigma needs to stop.
Depression
Anxiety – Trapped
OCD
Paranoia
Schizophrenia
Addiction
Anorexia
Anxiety – Worry
Social Anxiety
Post Traumatic Stress
Insecurity
Bipolar
Stress
I recently went to a mental health workshop. Many of us either deny or ignore the existence of mental illness. But the truth is, it exists. We all have physical health, whether it’s a broken limb or the common cold, and likewise we all have mental health. It is reported 1 in 4 people suffer from some form of Mental Illness, with the most common being depression and anxiety. 50% of people develop some form of illness by the age of 14 but that does not mean you can’t develop something later in life.
We eat fruit, drink water, and exercise regularly to keep our physical bodies intact, here are 5 ways to maintain a healthy well-being:
Connections (As humans we need to feel close and valued)
Be active – Walks in park, kayaking, horse riding
Take notice – Be present – No phones, no texting, talk in person, appreciate people
Learn – Continued learning keeps the mind active
Give – Get involved in community work
Otherwise, you may know someone who suffers from a mental illness, the Mental Health First Aid charity Provides this 5 step action plan:
Ask good quality questions that are timed and relevant to assess risk of harm
Listen non-judgmentally
Give reassurance (Stats, Philosophically, Solutions available)
Encourage appropriate professional help – (HELP Charity, Rethink Charity)
Encourage self-help and other support strategies
One of the most helpful ways you can help someone suffering is by smiling, a simple non-judgmental sincere smile can light up a person inside, often such emotional contentment leads to a road of recovery.
This link provides recognised Mental Health illnesses – A to Z Mental Health
This is the one of the most difficult questions this country has faced in the last decade, do we stay or do we leave the EU?
To begin with the only reason we are having the EU referendum is because the ‘people’ wanted one. Due to the scaremongering of Farage, a small percentage of activists began campaigning to leave the EU, this pressure eventually led Cameron to promise a referendum. He later decided to negotiate with other EU member states, however failed miserably. Let’s understand the basics first.
What is the EU?
The European Union (EU) is an economic and political partnership involving 28 European countries with Germany, France and the UK being at the forefront. The idea was to interlink economic, political and social activities to avoid another world war. However the UK did not join immediately, in 1973 we found that the EU benefits our interests so we jumped on the bandwagon. It has since grown to become a “single market” allowing goods and people to move around freely. It also acts as a central political framework to bring about ‘modern democracy’ to the 28 states, with 3 main institutions, the European Parliament, the European Commission and the Council of the European Union. It also provides a supreme court, the European Court of Justice.
The EU in essence is supposed to improve the lives of everyday people and set direction for 28 states. However many people feel it is in fact intrusive and is failing to live up to its motto.
What is a Referendum?
A referendum is question put to the public, that requires a yes or no answer. The winner is the side that gets most votes. It is considered as a form of direct democracy.
The Argument
In summary those who wish to leave, they believe Britain is being held back by the EU, which they say imposes too many rules on business and charges billions of pounds a year in membership fees for little in return. As well as this 60% of UK laws come from the EU which means it is undemocratic. They also want Britain to take back full control of its borders and reduce the number of people coming here to live and/or work. They also object to the idea of “ever closer union” and what they see as moves towards the creation of a “United States of Europe” where the EU has ists own anthem, presidency, flag and army!
and those campaigning for Britain to stay in the EU say it gets a big boost from membership – it makes selling things to other EU countries easier and, they argue, the flow of immigrants, most of whom are young and keen to work, fuels economic growth and helps pay for public services. They also believe Britain’s status in the world would be damaged by leaving and that we are more secure as part of the 28 nation club, rather than going it alone. They say we are part of a club, you can’t always have it your way.
Cost of Membership
The UK’s gross contribution to the EU in 2015 was £17.8bn, this accounts for 20% of the total EU budget. However due to a planned rebate, the UK paid £4.9bn less and £4.4bn was also paid back to the UK in the form of farm subsidies and other funding programmes. This means the UK has contributed at least £10bn last year, money the Leave campaign say we could utilise better.
The Leave campaign also claim the rebate is not set in stone, it can easily be revoked, which means the UK will pay the EU approx £19bn for 2016. The £350m per week should go towards supporting hospitals or building homes. As well as this, more importantly, ‘we will be able to decide how we spend our money.’
Whereas the Remain campaign state the economic benefits of EU membership easily outweigh the cost. Other countries contribute more per person than the UK does and if the UK was to exit the EU but hoped to retain its trade policies, it would still need to contribute to the EU budget.
So in essence we either continue paying towards the EU, where some is rebated and also returned by way of funding or we take back full control of the money, fund our services, pay a lower rate towards the single market and retain all our sovereignty.
Sovereignty and Law Making
Business
As you will have seen most of the biggest businesses, banks and economic institutions are in favour of Britain staying in the EU because it makes it easier for them to move money, people and products around the EU.
The BT chairman Sir Mike Rake says, there are “no credible alternatives” to staying in the EU. But Lord Bamford, chairman of JCB, claims an EU exit would allow the UK to negotiate trade deals on a global scale rather than with 28 states. As well as this, many small and medium-sized firms would welcome a cut in red tape and what they see as petty regulations.
Being in the EU means you pay less for your weekly food shop, but also petrol, energy bills, flights and mobile roaming charges i.e. far too many perks that everyday people benefit from for a small price. As well as this, after two years, the UK would automatically lose access to all arrangements with the EU, including trade deals, EU funding and rights to free travel. The EU is allowing businesses to thrive and they are afraid that they will get hit, but we the people need to look at the bigger picture. A whole world out there which we can negotiate with on our own terms without excess payment to the EU. And as previously stated, is it really likely trade will stop with those in the EU?
Jobs
The Leave campaign say that Less regulation in the workplace would create more jobs. The UK could get more investment from countries outside the EU and lower migration would push wages up. As well as this Maternity leave and holiday pay would only change if Britain decided to change them.
However the Remain camp state three million jobs in the UK are linked to trade with the EU. If considering the value of the jobs, the UK gets £66m investment every day from the EU. And that the EU has delivered guaranteed holiday pay, paid maternity leave, and increased protection in the workplace, something our government will fail to do. As well as this remaining in the EU will create 790,000 more UK jobs by 2030 which means more opportunities.
The Leave campaign remain firm that local jobs won’t be affected. If businesses do not do well, then that’s due to business decisions. It important that we take it hit before we bloom.
Immigration
Total net migration to the UK is running at over 300,000 a year despite the government’s target of cutting it to under 100,000. And recently, as revealed, that the Government always knew it will never be under 100, 000. So Cameron’s recent promises are another lie. The benefit of the EU is that it allows people from this country to work elsewhere in the EU and for them to work here.
Although a good sight, the Leave campaign say it is impossible to control immigration as a member of the EU and that high immigration has put a strain on public services, as in, the number of growing migrants is not sustainable by our hospitals and schools and that there are a shortage of houses.
The Leave campaign suggest a points-based system for migrants to the UK from everyone in the world so that we can attract all skill without discrimination. But Remain are adamant that Immigrants from the EU pay more in taxes than they take out so we are not losing out. Cameron’s EU deal promises in-work benefits for new EU migrant workers will be limited for the first four years.
Fishing and Farming
Leave say Britain pays more for the Common Agricultural Policy than it gets back so leaving the EU would make more money available for UK fisherman and farmers, The CAP also wastes lots of money on bureaucracy and regulation. Many fisherman claim the red-tape prevents them from carrying out business as they used too. It’s unfair that France sells fish to the Britain that has been fished on British waters.
Where as the Remain campaigners say many British farmers would go out of business without the support of the CAP and that 73% of UK farming exports go to the EU so how is that possible without the trade. And in fact the EU is dealing with the fishing crisis in a more wholesome way, considering the environment and the longevity of fishing.
My Personal Opinion
It seems to me on the one hand you have nationalism and the other capitalism. Both sides are scaremongering the British people. If we stay immigrants will rule our country and if we leave businesses will go bust. The UK initially joined the EU because of its interests, financially and politically, it was nothing to do with the working class, and farmers nor environmental policy and I quite frankly believe it still does not. I think the only reason so many businesses and Heads of State are vouching for Britain to stay in, is so that the UK can continue being part of an order that exploits the vulnerable. The EU has many unelected officials, it’s a mechanism to adapt law to society without question; its an elitists dream.
Saying that, The European Union is intertwined within our economy, so leaving will mean we have to take a hit, in the current climate, are we willing to do that? Will things be brighter if we leave? At every election promises are made, but nothing is delivered. I don’t think anything will be delivered this time round either. Especially the claim of £350million to the NHS. However there is a need to manage immigration flow because we cannot sustain the number of migrants, and a need to have control over legislation and money. The EU in its essence has become undemocratic, regardless of the benefits, I don’t want that.
For those who are Muslim, Islamophobia will always exist, it is not for the EU to protect us; Reliance on an anti-Islamic body will only lead to further disenfranchisement and self blame. It’s for Muslims to show that they play a positive and essential part in wider society. This is our soceity. And to also vote in elections to keep right wing nut heads out.
I think for the everyday person, at the polling booth, they’re going to think about their back pockets. The Scots were so much in favour separating from the UK, but it was them last minute blunders of whether the next meal will be baked beans or loin.
But I say, don’t fear. Don’t lose hope. We are the people and we are in control. We need to influence British laws. This is a brilliant starting point.
Date Visited: 28/05/2016 Location: Leeds, LS10 1PJ
Website: www.mumtazleeds.co.uk
Average Price: Meal for two – £35 Approx
The Mumtaz franchise has expanded over the last few years, but sadly it’s only the Bradford restaurant that is doing well. The brand Jaldi Jaldi failed miserably with their pre-heated food and the current establishment ‘The Chandelier’ seems to be heading in a similar way.
The restaurant is located on a river bank and is a delight to walk in too. Mumtaz have carefully attempted to raise their standards, from velvet couches to chandeliers but on second inspection, the restaurant is actually themed like a bedroom, especially the wallpaper. But unlike a bedroom, the main eating area is big, empty and cold. Still you’re welcomed in with subtle music from a pianist, it’s just a shame he is a student. Terrible!
As you take a seat, the furniture is royal in its essence, the view to the right is scenic and the cutlery is first-class. We were greeted by a waiter which was pleasant but then asked for our order, I replied, ‘But we’ve only sat down?’, and to his amazement, he replied, ‘Oh’, and then awkwardly smiled and pretended to look busy. I presumed it’s part of the training.
“Cold draft coming in no matter where you sit, several flickering lights, bad service, toilets falling apart”
Food
When we finally did order and were served 20 minutes later, the food was well plated, and the curries came on a heated stove. I liked the idea of food off-the-hob, but infact it tasted warmed up. Rubbery chicken and rock hard naan. Usually with fresh food comes an aroma, but sadly the food was as bland as it smelt.
Salad plates were first placed, just the one for a family of 10, as I requested for one more, my sister noticed the yellowing of the cucumber. Before I could even enquire, we were told ‘you should have come earlier’, to which I replied, ‘So you either come in earlier or you’re given a plate of left over salad?’ I asked for the manager and only then a fresh plate of salad was served.
The starters were such a small portion but costed dearly. And with the Mango Lassi at 10 pound a jug, I could see the bill mounting. The lassi was plain yogurt with a slight hint of mango and 6 spoons of sugar. At this point, we started to realise the chairs are actually uncomfortbale, and the seating arrangements were cramped. We tried the following curries: Lamb Karahi, Chicken Karahi, Chicken Jalfrezi, Lamb Dhansak and Dhaal. All the lamb dishes tasted the same. and All the chicken dishes tasted the same. Infact I don’t think they were too much different.
Overall, the meal wasn’t the best but I can’t say it was completely unpleasant either. We skipped dessert in favour of Krispe Kreme Donuts.
Service
It was the manager who took our order since the waiter had made a disappearance act, and he was well aware for the various dishes. This was a thumbs up from me as I like staff who know their food. The manager was attentive at all times and on the ball but the staff were slow and confused. In a restaurnat with maybe 20 tables, only 3 or 4 waiters could be seen and to top it up, every waiter approached our table every five minutes to ask if everything was alright. There clearly are logistic problems.
‘..our main meal came after numerous reminders, 1 hr 45 minutes after the starter!! I dared to complain to the woman manager who couldn’t understand my grievance! Eventually she said “just stop arguing and eat your food! I am the manager and Im telling you our service isn’t poor!” We left at that point.’
Finally, to seal the nail in the coffin, the bill was extortionate, I’ve eaten in central London for cheaper than this, so was rather shocked. Considering we did not order any alcohol, the final bill came to £180; For a family of 10 who eat healthily that is fairly pricey.
So here is the verdict: Mumtaz has a lovely location and much potential, I highly recommend a SWOT analysis.
P.S for the managment, I have a Masters in Business Strategy, feel free to get in touch.
To some this may be yet another Hijab post but this one is different, I want to look at the Hijab in the modern world. I also want to explore the emphasis of the word Hijab, how it’s commonly only referred to as the headscarf. modern hijabi
What is the Hijab
Candy Wrapper
Fashionable Hijabs
Hijab for Men
Hijab in the Bible
What is the Hijab?
The word Hijab comes from the Arabic root word ‘Ha Ja Ba’, which means to conceal or cover. In an Islamic context, this refers to the inner and the outer. Muslim females who have reached puberty are required to conceal their awrah; and by virtue of Islamic sources, this includes wearing a loose garment over the entire body with the exception of the face and hands. The Hijab is not required in situations where females and mahrams are present. As well as this, it relates to an individuals manner, this includes noble speech, modesty, and a dignified conduct.
Secondly, as much as it is undeclared, the Hijab also applies to men. Muslim men should dress to maintain their modesty and embody righteousness, especially by lowering their gaze i.e avoiding lustfulness towards strange women.
Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: That is purer for them; and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty. They should not display their beauty except that which is apparent; that they should draw their veils over their chests…Quran 24:30-31
Based on the above verse, it is clear that the Hijab has an Islamic basis. The foremost virtue of practising the Hijab is that it is an act of obedience; it brings one closer to their Lord. God, in His infinite mercy, revealed such verses to benefit and civilise society; just as we fast- the Hijab was ordained to create social balance. The primary reason behind the Hijab is to minimise sexual enticement and moral degradation in society for both men and women as much as possible. Other benefits include: modern hijabi
Shields from unwanted advances (if observed correctly)
Shields from superficial scrutiny and sexual exploitation
Shields from temptations i.e. fornication
Tell the believing women to draw their outer garments around them (when they go out or are among men).Quran 33:59
Nobel Peace Prize winner, Tawakkul Karman, ‘The mother of Yemen’s revolution,’ when asked about her Hijab by journalists and how it is not proportionate with her level of intellect and education, replied:
“Man in early times was almost naked, and as his intellect evolved he started wearing clothes. What I am today and what I’m wearing represents the highest level of thought and civilization that man has achieved, and is not regressive. It’s the removal of clothes again that is a regression back to the ancient times.”
Islam teaches that a woman is elevated by her virtuous character and actions not her looks and charms. She does not have to use her body to gain recognition or acceptance in society. It’s evident that women are sold freedom of expression through sexual exploitation. The Hijab directs self-worth away from appearance and onto qualities such as integrity, proficiency and ability – attributes which are more equally accessible to all.
Furthermore, this is not to say the Hijab is foolproof or a sex preventing device, a rapist will rape, but it minimises unnecessary enticement. In an ideal world, the religion aims to create a society where we do not interact for sexual purposes but to become a productive society, where men and women can work alike. This may beg the question of how humans are supposed to get hitched, but Islam has an alternative for that too. Modern day dating involves lustfulness, we are blinded by what attracts us, but for Muslims, with the hijab in place, men and women can focus on qualities that really matter. This does not go to say attraction is discarded in Islam but it does not take precedence.
Mughirah bin Shubah wanted to marry a woman. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to him: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you.” So he did that, and married her, and mentioned how well he got along with her.Ibn Majah, Hadith 1865
So all in all the headscarf is about repelling unwanted attention and lustful glare. It helps protect men, women and society at large.
Candy Wrapper analogy
The second thing I want to cover is the the self-righteousness of some Muslims. There are many posts that put forward the idea that a ‘wrapped’ girl is purer and virtuous.
Examine the analogy below:
“Would you prefer an unwrapped candy or a wrapped one?”
The idea that the ‘wrappage’ makes a woman more preferable is irrational and smug and unislamic. Let me throw the candy analogy back at you. Would you prefer candy made in unsanitary conditions that is potentially tainted with hepatitis strains and then wrapped or candy that was made in sanitary conditions but sold unwrapped. It’s not all about the exterior.
This analogy also pivots on a man’s preference. Is that why the Hijab is worn? it must be worn for its prescribed purpose. Let us not encourage women to believe wearing a ‘hijab’ will make her more appealing and modest in the eyes of a ‘good’ man. A good man will appreciate a good woman, whether she wears Hijab or not.
Suggesting that being covered will prevent ‘flies’ or inappropriate advances towards them is also on the same track. Whilst the scarf does provide some form of barrier, it doesn’t stop all advances.
This analogy subliminally insinuates that a woman who doesn’t cover her head, is somehow inferior, attracts scummy lads and may apparently be someone everyone’s had a taste of. That in itself is against the Islamic doctrine. It may also provide a false sense of pride, superiority and satisfaction one gets from being a part of a self glorifying clique. The divide between Hijabis and non-Hijabis needs to be bridged.
Hijab and Fashion
Many describe the term Hijab and Fashion as an oxymoron. So let’s explore.
We have already defined the Hijab as a concept of modesty, inwardly and outwardly; and Oxford Dictionary defines fashion as ‘a popular or the latest style of clothing, hair, decoration, or behaviour.’ modern hijabi
In the present era, it is evident that there is a boom in creativity and design, fashion outlets are growing and many turn to wear the trendiest clothing. However, this is not limited to the west only, Muslims around the globe also feel the need to dress in the most fashionable way.
We all know people who like to dress well, regardless of their culture, religion or wealth, they will wear the best of the best and attempt to carry themselves in an elegant manner. For them the style, colour and fitting of the garment are all important. On the other hand there are those that who simply wear to cover up and keep warm, they are more practical than trendy. This goes hand to hand with the headscarf too; some will find the perfect pin to tie their scarf with whereas others will throw on a loose garment and head out.
Both sides of the coin are perfectly natural behaviour, the question is whether the fashion element crosses the line of modesty.
If you choose to wear a scarf then do you expect your tight dress to form part of it too? Skinny jeans are very trendy right now, and so is swaying in 4 inch heels. As we’ve said previously, the outwardly Hijab is to deter men. So do you feel your dress code is ‘Hijab’?
There is nothing to say that a Muslim woman cannot be trendy. After all there is an element of practicality to the common Hijab, if you’re in and out of the home all day or working in a professional environment, it can become impractical to take the scarf off and put back on again. Many then decide to wear one as a semi-permanent garment, and naturally will keep it to their taste. They will attempt to make it presentable, and match it with the rest of their clothes. To deny women of this consciousness, is in fact to deny women from having a personal taste.
Say, “Who has forbidden the adornment of Allah which He has brought forth for His bondmen, and the good food?”Aa`raf 7:32
It is also worth noting that the Hijab is a very subjective term, there are Muslims around the world who practise Hijab yet have their own cultural style. Women across Malaysia and Indonesia wear very colourful garments yet remain modest. Why are eccentric colours accepted in one culture and not in another? We know that Allah says, ‘We have made you into nations and tribes’, this outlines that people are different, individually and as a society. The Quran and Sunnah loosely tell us to dress modestly; but nothing so specific. You often see Muslimah converts wearing the Pakistani Salwar Kameez, but where is the requirement? The Salwar Khameez is a modest dress however nothing stops a woman from picking another style of clothing. The issue really lies where personal taste goes beyond the ‘hijab or not’ scale. modern hijab
As mentioned, the primary purpose of the Hijab is to repel and stop men from being allured, if the fitting of your dress makes your curves more attractive, is your hijab, a hijab? Surely Muslimah’s need to make every effort to avoid the red zone.
Every way of life has a innate character. The character of Islam is haya.Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
But on another note, I do feel, you should let one be, the scarf, alongside many things is an individual choice. After all they will be questioned and so will you. We all do have a duty to warn, but this does not coincide with disrespect and ill-thought. Regardless of dress sense and appearance it is a Muslim’s duty to honour and respect each other.
To conclude this section, it is important to recognise that you cannot base a woman’s level of faith on her scarf (or lack of). The way you interpret the scarf and modesty may be different to the way they do, no one is perfect, and no one is complete. It is far healthier to discuss modesty as oppose to resorting to judgment and labeling.
Hijab is basically a concept – that goes far beyond the scarf that is worn on our heads.Anon
As for the vloggers out there – It would be interesting to see (make a video on this topic) how you avoid crossing the line. That’s to say on the one hand you have fashion and glamour, the world’s your oyster in creating the hottest look and the other hand your duty is to wear clothing that is modest and unalluring. How do you make the distinction? I think it’s important for you to outline this, because regardless of your intention, you are role models for many Muslim women. Do you feel you are showing a true representation of the ‘ideal’ Muslimah?
Hijab for Men
Although it is not obligatory on men to completely conceal their bodies like it is for women, the issue of modesty and humility cannot be neglected. Pride and boastfulness are among the greatest sins in Islam, and attempting to impress others (both males and females) using the physique and attracting attention in such a manner certainly falls into this category.
In today’s hypersexualized society, many ignore the concept of lowering the gaze. There is no harm in “just looking”, right? Yet one minor glance can have a spiritually disastrous effect on the human being. Prophet Isa (peace be upon him) once said to his disciples: “Beware of looking at forbidden things, for that is the seed of desire and leads to deviant behavior.” (Lantern of the Path) i.e fornication, adultery and masturbation.
There is also an increase in men feeling the need to associate openly with women, as purely friends, ‘as long as we don’t do anything Haram’ and ‘as long as she is wearing a scarf’! I’ve heard far too many regretful accounts.
Hijab and Bible
The modern Hijab is not something new. Muslim women follow the example of righteous women in the past such as Mary, the mother of Jesus. Some of the evidence from the bible includes the following two verses:
“And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head.” 1 Corinthians 11:3-6
“I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10
This brings the post to an end, if you’ve enjoyed reading, please share on your social networks and to receive my posts directly to your inbox, subscribe below.
Posts I’ve found interesting
*The opinions of scholars of the face veil in Islam (Niqab)
*Oppressed or not? Looking at the face veil wearers in the 21st century
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*Ever wondered why you look so different in pictures than you do in the mirror? Guess what you’re actually a whole lot different to people who see you. Find out more here: What you really look like
*Palmistry is popular, everyone wants to know what their hand says. But is there any truth to it? Check out my post on Palmistry
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Within Islam there is an aspect that looks to prevent zina among the sexes. It also looks to protect society by introducing certain measures, i.e. minimum interaction between non mahrams. Every restriction or barrier in Islam is placed to achieve a sustainable community, For Muslims, the Quran contains wisdom sometimes we overlook. Those, devout implement even the ‘smallest’ rulings.
Mahram – This is a category that refers to anyone a man or a woman cannot marry at anytime in their life..
Ghayr Mahram – This is a category that refers to anyone a man or a woman can marry at anytime in their life whatsoever or anyone who is temporarily forbidden for them (I.e your wife’s sister). If a man marries a Ghayr Mahram woman, she will become a mahram (inc her relations, see below) as she is his wife now and vice versa.
Importance Of Mahram & Ghayr Mahram
Firstly, one of the main purposes of this distinction between people is to safeguard them from immoral acts i.e. fornication/adultery that may occur because of unnecessary interacting and intermingling. Allah the All-knowing, the Most wise, knows the causes of corruption and shameless acts, therefore has placed such safeguards. Society struggles to deal with corruption, deceit and immoral acts between people, its difficult to identify the cause; in some way everyone is the victim, even the perpetrator. Islam tackles these problems from their root i.e. in this case unnecessary interacting and intermingling of specific men and women.
It serves as a boundary to maintain a balanced and pure society and religious life, which in turn will help a person focus on his or her life without the horrid distraction of the other sex. Islam doesn’t say you can’t work together, or a woman can’t teach a man but when the interaction is unnecessary and possibly ‘flirty’, it is better for you to drift.
There are certain circumstances where the rulings of Mahram & Ghayr Mahram are important and very. As part of a woman’s Hijab, she wears a headscarf. This scarf is a veil to be worn in public, i.e around Ghayr Mahram men but also non muslim women, they are not mahram for women. There is even a hijab for the Mahram men in your home, but to a lesser extent, i.e you can’t be walking round in your underwear. Similarly one of the main conditions, which make Hajj compulsory for a woman, is the presence of a Mahram throughout her journey/pilgrimage. If she does not find a ‘Mahram’ to accompany her during Hajj, then she is not permitted to go do Hajj nor is it compulsory upon her until she finds a Mahram that can accompany her. Again, there is a wisdom behind this and there are difference of opinions (which can be understood clearly here).
Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “A woman is not to travel except with a mahram, and a man is not to enter upon her except if she has a mahram.
A common mistake is the brother in Law, most couples feel comfortable around the Brother in Law, The husband thinks, “He’s my brother, I trust him.” And the wife thinks, “He’s my husband’s brother, like he’s going to look at me like that? But humans are weak, its not that the Brother in Law has ill intention, but one thing can lead to another no matter how slim the chances are.
Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: “Beware of getting, into the houses and meeting women (in seclusion).” A person from the Ansar said: “Allah’s Messenger, what about the husband’s brother?” Whereupon he said: “The husband’s brother is like death.” [Muslim].
If your husband were to pass away, it is completely halal for his brother to marry you. An example of this would be ‘Uthmaan radiyallahu ‘anhu – he married one daughter of the Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. When she passed away, the Prophet married him to another one of his daughters.
Within other daily situations, it is recommended for you to avoid being alone unecesarily with Ghayr Mahrams. The Prophet (peace be upon him) forbade men and women from being alone together. He said: “Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them.” There are times when you have to be in the same room with a woman all alone, at times times like this, one should take other precautions such as lowering your gaze. In a professional environment, you’d think nothing of the sort will happen, but as the hadith states, Satans temptations can lead you the back of your car. An important note to mention is your intentions do not dictate the level of Shari’ah, humans are fallible, the Quran is divine. However Allah is Just and Forgiving, only you know your real intention. You will be dealt with accordingly.
List Of Mahrams & Ghayr Mahrams
It is stated in the famous Hanafi Fiqh treatise, al-Hidaya:
“A Mahram (for a woman) is he, between whom and her marriage is permanently unlawful, whether this is due to the relationship of lineage/kin (nasab) or because of some other reason, such as foster relationship (radha’a) or relationship by marriage (musaharah).” (al-Hidaya, Kitab al-Karahiyya, 4/461-462)
Let us now look at these relationships in detail
Relationship of family/lineage (qarabah)
It is permanently unlawful for a man to marry the following (hence he will be considered a Mahram for them):
a) Mother, grandmother, and on up;
b) Paternal grandmother, and on up;
c) Daughters, grand daughters, and on down;
d) All type of sisters (whether full or half),
e) Maternal and paternal aunts,
f) Nieces (brother’s or sister’s daughters),
Thus, besides the abovementioned relatives, marriage with others relative will be lawful, thus they will not be considered to be mahrams, such as cousin brothers, cousin sisters, mother’s sister’s husband, etc.
Relationship of fosterage (radha’a)
Whosoever is a Mahram through the relationship of lineage, will also be considered a Mahram by fosterage.
Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said about Hamza’s daughter: “I am not legally permitted to marry her, as foster relations are treated like blood relations (in marital affairs). She is the daughter of my foster-brother.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 2502)
Therefore, the relationships that are unlawful through blood and lineage will also be unlawful through fosterage. As such, a foster-father (foster mother’s husband), foster-brother, foster-uncle, foster-nephew, etc will all be considered to be a woman’s Mahram, and one will be a Mahram to a foster-mother, foster sister, foster niece, etc. However, one should remember that this is only when breastfeeding takes place in the period designated for it, which is two and a half years (according to Imam Abu Hanifa) and two years (according to Abu Yusuf and Imam Muhammad). One should be careful in determining who is a Mahram through foster relations, for determining this, at times, can be complex and complicated. One must refer to a scholar before coming to a judgment.
3) Relationship of marriage (sihriyya or musahara)
The third relationship with which marriage becomes permanently unlawful and consequently the relationship of being a Mahram (mahramiyya) is established is that of marriage.
There are four types of people with whom marriage becomes unlawful permanently due to the relationship of marriage:
a) One’s wife’s mother (mother in-law), grandmother and on up: Marriage with her becomes unlawful by merely contracting marriage with the daughter, regardless of whether the marriage was consummated or otherwise.
b) One’s wife’s daughter (from a previous marriage), grand-daughter and on down: Marriage with her becomes unlawful (permanently) if the marriage with her mother was consummated.
Also included in the above will be one’s wife’s son’s (stepson’s) daughter, for she is also considered to be a stepdaughter (rabiba).
c) The wife of one’s son, grandson, and on down: This is regardless whether the son consummated the marriage or otherwise. But not ones foster sons wife.
d) One’s stepmother, step grandmother and on up: Meaning those women who have been in the marriage of one’s father or paternal or maternal grandfather.
Technically your husband or wife isn’t your mahram but there is a special relationship therefore included in the list, as you can show your awrah or perform hajj.
A List:
Men
Mahrams:-
– Wife
– Father’s wives (Mother, Step mothers)
– Mothers and above (i.e. grandmothers, great grandmothers etc, maternal or paternal)
– Daughters and below (i.e. granddaughters, great granddaughters, etc, step daughter (only after the couple have consummated)
– Sisters (Real sister, Half sisters)
– Aunts (Paternal/Maternal, their half sisters)
– Nieces (Daughters of brother/sister and any half/ daughters)
– Foster* Mother (A lady by whom one was breast fed before the age of two)
– Foster* Sister (A female who was breastfed by the same lady as one was)
– Mother-in-law and above (i.e. grandmother-in-law, great grandmother-in-law etc, maternal or paternal)
– Daughter-in-law and below (i.e. son’s wife, grandson’s wife etc)
The women listed above are women he is not allowed to marry (exception of wife) therefore his mahram, any woman not mentioned are listed as ghayr mahram. Some women are temporarily a mahram, i.e a man can not marry his sister in law, but if his wife passes away, then that restriction is lifted, he is now able to marry.
Women
Mahrams:-
– Husband
– Step father (with the condition that both stepfather and one’s mother have consummated)
– Fathers and above (grandfathers, great grandfathers etc, maternal or paternal)
– Sons and below (grandsons, great grandsons, step sons)
– Brothers (real brothers, half brothers)
– Uncles (Paternal/Maternal, their half brothers)
– Nephews (Sons of brother/sister and any half daughters)
– Foster son (i.e. a boy who a lady has breastfed before the age of two)
– Foster Brother (i.e. a male who was breast fed by the same lady as one was)
– Father-in-law and above (i.e. grandfather-in-law, great grandfather-in-law etc, maternal or paternal)
– Son-in-law and below (i.e. daughters husband, granddaughters husband etc)
Similarly as men, The men listed above are men he is not allowed to marry (exception of husband) therefore his mahram, any man not mentioned are listed as ghayr mahram.
*Foster: Milk mothers who nursed you before the age of two. Whoever is made forbidden through genealogical relation is forbidden through fosterage. In simple terms, one’s foster mother is like one’s mother and her children become one’s foster brothers and sisters and her father becomes one’s foster grandfather and similarly all those types of people normally forbidden are also forbidden in fosterage (i.e. foster father/mother, foster brother/sister, foster uncle/aunt, foster daughter/son etc).
** A half brother or sister shares one parent biologically. A step brother or sister is where 2 people who already have kids, marry, there is no blood relation.
The list above is a summary of:
Surah: 4 An-Nisaa, Verse: 22-23
And do not marry those [women] whom your fathers married, except what has already occurred. Indeed, it was an immorality and hateful [to Allah ] and was evil as a way.
Prohibited to you [for marriage] are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters, your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters, your sister’s daughters, your [milk] mothers who nursed you, your sisters through nursing, your wives’ mothers, and your step-daughters under your guardianship [born] of your wives unto whom you have gone in. But if you have not gone in unto them, there is no sin upon you. And [also prohibited are] the wives of your sons who are from your [own] loins, and that you take [in marriage] two sisters simultaneously, except for what has already occurred. Indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.
Surah: 24 An-Noor, Verse: 31
And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.
It is stated in the famous Hanafi Fiqh treatise, al-Hidaya:
“A Mahram (for a woman) is he, between whom and her marriage is permanently unlawful, whether this is due to the relationship of lineage/kin (nasab) or because of some other reason, such as foster relationship (radha’a) or relationship by marriage (musaharah).” (al-Hidaya, Kitab al-Karahiyya, 4/461-462)
Other Posts
*Always begin with the name of Allah, do you really understand the meaning of Bismillah Hirrahman Nirrahim?Check out this post on: The Power of Bismillah
*Abortion is ever so popular and overlooked by many but what does Islam say about Abortion? Check out this Jurispudence based post Abortion in Islam
*Animals have rights too, check out rights of Animals in Islam: Animal rights in Islam
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*Palmistry is popular, everyone wants to know what their hand says. But is there any truth to it? Check out my post on Palmistry
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Asian weddings can be a lengthy process due to their vast customs and traditions. I’ve been to over five weddings this Autumn to observe what they exactly entail and why. It’s interesting that the majority of Pakistanis continue to follow this cultural trend of marriage, regardless of how ‘British’ they may be.
In this post I’ll explore the typical Pakistani Muslim wedding from beginning to end. Alongside aiming to explore whether these practices conflict with Islam; is there a boundary?
Initial Meeting/s
Most arranged marriages and even those of choice (i.e lovers) begin with the boys family approaching the prospective girl. The family will boast their son’s
caring nature, his wage & how they feel the girl is suitable. The fella will usually sit like a quiet shy boy to impress the in-laws and shortly the girl will walk in to serve tea- and both will take a peek on the sly . Some parents are happy for them to speak in private but otherwise, once the parents are convinced- the boy and girl are set to be hitched!
The girls family will usually be hesitant in accepting right away, to show that they aren’t giving her up so easily- so there may be more than one meeting.
Proposal
The parents will propose on behalf of their son; they’ll present sweets and gifts for the girl- maybe to butter her up a bit? If the proposal is accepted, the girl’s parents will give their word, that they truly accept (otherwise known as zabaan). This is to ensure there’s no backing out later; it was common for people to make promises and then break them at a better bargain.
Engagement Party
The families will hold an engagement party, which is a formal ceremony to mark the coming together of the two people, in the presence of close family members. The Groom’s family will approach the Bride and ask for her hand in marriage- rings are now commonly exchanged between the couple. Prayers and blessings will be read and cake will be cut. From this point the wedding day is priority for everyone, dates are pencilled in diaries and everyone prepares!
Best man/Bridesmaid – The family will choose the Best man/Bridesmaid, they tend to be really good family friends and people who’ll assist the bride/groom effectively. The Family normally take sweets along as this a formal tradition.
Nikkah
The first major ceremony that will take place is the Nikkah- this is the signing of a marriage contract between the couple. This should be done in front of two witnesses at minimum but usually the family and close relatives will attend. The groom will also provide a Dowry, this is financial security for the girl; normally ranging from £200 to £5000. It is a small and straight forward function but after the Imam has left, there are various customs carried out:
Munh Dikhai – ‘Munh Dikhai’ is the ceremony of ‘Unveiling the Face’. Once the Nikkah has been performed, the Bride is veiled and made to sit next to the Groom for the first time. The Groom will unveil her (and hopefully fall in love :s). After moments of delight, the Bride and Groom will feed each other mitai (Asian Sweets), and family and friends will congratulate the couple.
Choor – The Grooms family will hand over a Choor (a Scarf) packed with gifts and healthy sweets for the Bride and her family. The Brides family will open up the Choor, empty the gifts then add some of their own gifts & sweets.
Rang – The Bride’s family will also throw paint on the Grooms side to confirm that a wedding will take place. The colour will dye the clothes and when the people return to their homes, it’ll be proof that what just happened, happened.
The Bride and Groom are happily married now but this is only the beginning, there is a huge party to organise!
Dholki
Traditionally many days or weeks before the wedding day, women would gather in the Groom’s house to sing and dance while accompanied by the percussion instrument, the Dholki. Usually it is hosted by different households, each showing their happiness of the marriage. The idea was to build hype before the actual wedding day so everyone was invited.
The Bride’s family did not usually participate or hold such events as extreme happiness in ‘giving away’ their daughter may have given the wrong impression. You can argue that the family should be happy and optimistic but it is difficult for any father to let go of his princess.
Mehndi
About two or three days prior to the wedding day, the Henna Ceremony will take place- where guests apply henna on the Bride. Traditionally the Mehndi function begun with a few friends coming over to the Brides home to apply Mendhi, this developed in to a function for the guy too where oil (tael) was applied to his head. But with the ceremony now held simultaneously for both the Bride and the Groom, the use of the term ‘taeli’ has diminished greatly and referred to as the ‘Mehndi’ ceremony.
This has become one of the main functions now so many people are invited. Its common for the Bride and Groom to look casual on this day though. Close relatives will wear matching sherwanis to go with the theme, which normally revolves around yellows and greens. There is usually a dance-off between the boys and girls but most of the evening is spent with guests applying mendhi and oil to the Bride and Groom. As part of the tradition, the Bride was not required to work in her marital home till the mehndi faded away. Once the Mendhi function comes to an end, female guests are offered mehndi cones & something sweet, normally a bag of sugar (lol).
Scarves – The Bride and Groom will usually walk in separately surrounded by their family, who will carry a scarf over the Bride/Groom. The only purpose is to create an entrance for them as it would be awkward if they walk in all alone.
Doli – Some families will carry the Bride in using the traditional Dholi, this was to treat her like a Princess.
Candles – The family is also led by the girls carrying tea-light candle plates, this is based on the Hindu tradition of avoiding bad luck and sending oms to the Gods. In the Pakistani tradition, no such thing happens but as part of the general theme it looks decorous. Some of the girls will also dance using dandiya (decorated sticks).
Bands – The best friends of either side will also put a band on the brides/grooms wrist. The idea of marriage is about tying the knot, so the best friends are like, im with you all the way whilst this knot is being tied.
Scarves – During the Mendhi guests will also shroud the mother (and grandma) with a scarf. A scarf symbolises modesty which is an eloquent trait, so to show happiness, guests will use a scarf. It would be equivalent to handing over a bouquet of flowers.
Gharoli
The Night before the Baraat, the family will hold a Gharoli event where the Groom is prepared as a Mahraj (Bride Groom). The mother will begin by tying a turban around his head and shrouding him in a sparkly scarf. The sisters will then take him for a walk whilst taking turns to wave flowers (chatiyah) on his head and carry a water pot (khara) on their heads. The remainder of the family normally sing songs or drummers will be called to keep the momentum going.
The turban symbolises importance and leadership i.e indication that he’s the main man, and the scarf symbolises modesty (which was an elegant trait). Flowers are symbolic for happiness and joy so its why the sisters dangle flowers on their brothers head. Traditionally, the sister also prepared water for her brother, she would go to the well and fill up a pot (Khara) with water, this was a joyous act as she had the honour to prepare water for her brothers morning bath. This developed in to a trend and became symbolic, so now, most women will take turns to carry a Karah on their heads. On the following morning, the groom will take a bath using this water and drink any left over.
Once the Groom steps back in to the house, out of happiness, he normally gifts his sister with money.
The second part of this night involves the relatives presenting gifts to the Groom. The gifts will include clothes, jewellery and cologne. Its common for the extended family to also present gold rings for the Groom and his mother.
Bari – Normally on this night the mother will also showcase the Bari, this is a set of gifts for the Bride which include clothes, jewellery, homeware and toiletries. The idea behind this is to make the Bride feel welcomed and in place as soon as she arrives.
Daaj – This is a set of presents from the Brides family, it is usually homeware gifts for the couple for when buy their own place. From a mothers point of view, she wants to ensure the daughter is fully equipped with household goods for her new home.
Baraat
This is also another one of the major functions. The Baraat is the family, relatives and friends of the groom who make a procession (Janj) towards the brides home; essentially it is ‘the Groom taking his clan with him to pick up his Mrs’. Drummers will be present and fireworks will be set to create a hype. Traditionally, during some part of the procession a member of the Grooms family will stop the whole Baraat (Rokhana), direct them to their home and serve a light snack.
Once the Baraat reaches the venue the Grooms family will set a display of fireworks and accompanied by the rhythm of the dhol, dance away. The groom does not usually take part in the dancing.
On the other side of the fence, the Brides family will accept the Baraatis as guests so given a warm welcome; flower garlands and rose petals will be thrown upon the Janj as they walk in.
Dhood Pilai – At the entrance of the venue the Brides sisters will stop the Groom from entering until a sufficient amount of cash is given to them. The idea is, ‘you’re not taking our sister home so easily so pay up’, this can lead to bantering between the bride’s sisters and friends on one side and the groom’s brothers and friends on the other side. Once the Groom pays up, in return the sisters welcome him with a glass of Milk (Rasm-e-Dhood Pilai). Milk symbolises richness and purity- it was like champagne back in the days.
Once the Janj enter the venue, the Groom makes way to his Bride but before he can sit, he is stopped once again by the sisters who are requesting more money. After a continuance of bantering, the Groom pays them out and finally joins his bride.
Shaadi
Now that the Baraatis are here, the Brides Reception formally takes place. All her family and friends will be present wishing her well. The common theme on the Shaadi day is to wear very traditional clothes, so the Bride will wear a heavily embroidered dress in a rich red or a dark purple accompanied with gold jewellery, that the mother gifts her as part of the Daaj. The Groom will wear a sherwani with a turban, usually in a colour matching the Brides dress.
Shoe snatcher – As most couples didn’t know each other prior to the wedding, the sisters and friends will arrange games to break the ice. One example is stealing the Groom’s shoes and demanding sum of money for their return. The bantering and fun allows the couple to bond quicker.
Once the guests have been fed and the Bride has moral support from her extended family. The Bride will head back home so her family can see her off properly.
Churi – On the Grooms arrival to the Brides home, one of the sisters will bring along a plate of churi (buttered chappati) to feed the groom. The idea behind this is to signify that the Groom is always welcome and as the head-sister, she will happily cook for him- hence the feeding of the churi. Over the years, this has become a trend and also a game-like tradition. The sister will cover the plate of churi with another plate tightly, in return the Groom will attempt to move the plate out of the way. Once he succeeds, the sister feeds the Groom.
Rukhsati
As the evening comes to an end, the family prepare to send off the Bride, this becomes a very emotional scene as the daughter is moving from one family to another.
Rice – As the Bride walks towards the car with the Groom, the Bride will stop on her door step and throw rice over her head. Rice in Pakistan is a high source of nutrient so it symbolises wealth and efficiency. When the Bride throws the several grains behind her, she signifies that ‘she is leaving her mothers comfort and nurturing to enter in to a new family’.
Qu’ran – The Qur’an is also held over the Bride’s head as she walks from the Door to the car in order to bless and protect her- yet another oblivious tradition.
The Groom will then take her back to his parents home.
Welcome
As soon as the Bride arrives at the Groom’s house, the family will make her feel welcomed and cheer her up. The couple will start off by un-knotting each others bands that the friends put on them at the Mendhi.
Milk – One of the ice breakers the family will set up is where the couple have to fight for the hidden ring in a bowl of milk. I guess the idea is to get the couple accustomed to each others personal space.
Khara – Another game is where the women will also spin a khara (water pot) around the Grooms head several times and then drink from it. The groom will try to stop them from doing so.
Guthna Pakrai – This is where the youngest brother of the Groom sits on or holds the knee of the Bride. As he’s the baby brother, the Bride gives him a bit of pocket money. The idea makes sense as he’s her new baby brother too but it has become more of a trend- so the baby brother will demand money.
Suhaag Raat
Otherwise known as the golden night, this is where the couple engage in sexual intercourse for the first time. But, normally the couple will go to a hotel due to the thin walls at home. It’s been reported that some mothers will lay down white bedding to ensure intercourse has taken place and more importantly that she is a virgin! Yum.
Walima
The day everyone has been working towards, Its the Wedding Reception- the most extravagant event yet. It is also Sunnah to hold this event i.e publicly announce the marriage. There aren’t many traditions attached to the Walima, it will vary to suit the household, venue, timings, guest list, etc. The Groom normally opts for a formal Western suit or Tuxedo and the Bride will wear a dazzling dress with Jewellery provided by the Groom. Its common to see: several high end cars, a fully themed venue, four course meal, DJ, dance floor, bridesmaid, flower girls, bouquet for the bride, wedding cake and favour boxes.
Salami – As people go on to the stage, they will give salaam and congratulate the couple. Rather than going empty handed, most people dish out a tenner each for the Bride and Groom. But this has become a trend, it can become embarrassing to only give a certain amount or nothing at all.
Maklava
Traditionally, as marriages were arranged between people from different cities and villages, it often meant that the Bride was unfamiliar with her new family. To ease her into the new life and surroundings, she was brought back to her parents’ house on the Walima night to spend a few nights home.
Honeymoon
It has become common for couples to go on a honeymoon. A week away enjoying time with each other and ultimate privacy bonds the couple closer. On a side note- Morocco, Turkey and Egypt are extremely cheap to visit- ladies you’ll know what you’re worth.
Chauthi
The Brides parents host a dinner on the 4th day after the wedding for the immediate family members of the groom. Due to impracticalities, the first family dinner is held at other suitable times.
New couple
It is also customary for the friends and family of the couple to invite them over for dinner to formally accept them as a couple. Or with some families a huge after party is thrown.
Other customs
Based on the ethnic and geographical location of the families, weddings in Pakistan can vary. I have observed only 5 weddings. I may have missed some traditions out or not grasped the meaning of some fully. Please leave a comment below if you believe so. Here are some miscellaneous traditions:
Dastar Bandi – Elder men in the groom’s family place a turban on the Grooms head to formally include him in the ‘circle of men’.
Nehndra – Is a customary payment from guests towards the wedding, however it seems as though it’s code word for ‘here’s my cut for the food’.
Islamic Stance
The only requirement for Muslims to marry is signing a contractual document i.e the Nikkah ceremony- The Walima is a Sunnah and highly recommended act. You are also required to comply with the law of the land to ensure your marriage is accepted legally. This would mean the majority of the traditions listed above are not part of the Islamic tradition. Many people claim for this reason, these cultural additions should be avoided and marriage should be entirely Islamic to attain full blessings.
However, the Islamic stance on different cultures is that, they are to be embraced and respected so long as they don’t contradict Islamic teachings. Forced marriages have been prevalent in some areas in Pakistan, Islam completely condemns such marriages, so this culture among some families in Pakistan will be highly unislamic. The question now is whether the above traditions contradict Islam.
The general rule stands that if the act is haraam, then so will the tradition be i.e using a Bindi to ward off evil. Bollywood Music is prevalent at weddings, and as Muslims we know Music is haraam- but how much is music disliked over these traditions. I don’t want to give verdict on each tradition as I’m not a qualified scholar. For example ‘zabaan’- the purpose is to secure the ‘arrangement’. If families were to back out for trivial reasons it could raise feuds among families and major embarrassment so in Pakistani rural areas it was practical and reliable. But if the zabaan, becomes an extravagant tradition where money is spent unnecessarily, then its a waste.
Whereas an Engagement party- you can argue that it is unnecessary and wasteful. But I can see how a small get-to-together can become a party i.e family ties are important in Asian societies, so the parents will most likely invite their parent and siblings and the boy/girl themselves will want a few friends there for moral support. As this means, many people have gathered, the families will want to feed their guests so food will be made available. Already this becomes a small party but due to the circumstances not to be wasteful. I guess it depends on your intention. Those who do it to show off or are spend-thrifty are unfavoured by God. Even in the days of the Holy Prophet , marriage used to be preceded by a mutual understanding with the actual marriage taking place at a later stage.
To put things into perspective, at every western wedding there is cake. Many Asian people will also have cake at the wedding. This is a societal norm- Most of us will say its harmless and completes the occasion as cakes are eaten at times of joy. In the same way some of the traditions are harmless like the ‘Baree’ or ‘Dhood pilai’.
As long as you avoid the haraam acts listed in Islamic sources, avoid showing off, avoid high interest loans, avoid music and avoid being wasteful you’re good to go.
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The idea that the ‘wrappage’ makes a woman more preferable is irrational and smug and unislamic. Let me throw the candy analogy back at you. Would you prefer candy made in unsanitary conditions that is potentially tainted with hepatitis strains and then wrapped or candy that was made in sanitary conditions but sold unwrapped. It’s not all about the exterior.
It is also worth noting that the Hijab is a very subjective term, there are Muslims around the world who practise Hijab yet have their own cultural style. Women across Malaysia and Indonesia wear very colourful garments yet remain modest. Why are eccentric colours accepted in one culture and not in another? We know that Allah says, ‘We have made you into nations and tribes’, this outlines that people are different, individually and as a society. The Quran and Sunnah loosely tell us to dress modestly; but nothing so specific. You often see Muslimah converts wearing the Pakistani Salwar Kameez, but where is the requirement? The Salwar Khameez is a modest dress however nothing stops a woman from picking another style of clothing. The issue really lies where personal taste goes beyond the ‘hijab or not’ scale. modern hijab
As the evening comes to an end, the family prepare to send off the Bride, this becomes a very emotional scene as the daughter is moving from one family to another.
